Whenever someone is sad about something, there is one statement that is often used as a comfort mechanism: "Everything will be fine." But is that really true?
Many people spend their lives thinking optimistically, and do use that mantra to keep pressing through the roughest of times. But I usually label myself as a realist, and my answer to that question is more along the lines of something like, "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not."
I sometimes run into this problem myself. All of the people I surround myself with have found themselves to make close acquaintances with someone, and engage into relationships. It is a common situation in which I act as the fifth or seventh wheel when spending time with my friends.
And sometimes my female friends ask me: "Don't you want a boyfriend?" And as much as I portray myself as a "strong independent woman", the blunt answer is yes, I would like to have a relationship.
On more than one occasion that one question has turned into a full-blown conversation about getting married and finding life partners. And each time, I would express to them my concern: I question whether I will ever find "the one". And I usually support this concern with a simple concept: I am a very complex person. So is there really a high probability that I will find someone who not only is more or less equally as complex as I, but also who accepts my complexity?
And every time, their responses always are the same. "What? Of course you'll find someone!" "Just give it time; the right one will come around eventually."
And literally; when they say that, my head explodes.
Because there is not guarantee that I'll find someone. As depressing as it may sound, there are people in this world who do never get married and age and die without a partner. Who's to say that I won't fall into that category?
Another situation like such occured during a conversation between me and one of my basketball coaches. He was inquiring whether I was going to "play soccer" for that particular school year. And I corrected him, saying that I was going to "try-out"; the final decision of whether I would be allowed to represent and play for the team would be entirely up to the coaches. When he asked me why I worded it like that, I simply responded "well, because I probably won't make the team".
And this made him furious. He said that having such a mindset was what was going to make me get cut from the team. And (of course, being the realist that I am) I again corrected his statement by saying the reason I would get cut would be because of the deficit of skill level I have compared to the other girls trying out. It went back and forth again: he said that if I trained hard enough, that deficit would not exist, and I countered by saying that 4 months of training would be impossible to make up for the experience they've gained from the 5-11 years of playing traveling soccer that most of them have. He ended the conversation by deeming me a "lost hope", because I was so "pessimistic".
Thinking back to that situation actually makes me laugh, because every single statement I made was an objectively accurate one. I was not putting myself down in any way; I was just simply stating simply facts that shouldn't be ignored when addressing the issue of whether I would "play soccer". Is there anything wrong with that?
This same concept could be applied to many other situations. For instance, a woman named Mrs. Ofri Leitner came and spoke to one of my classes a few weeks ago. She is genetic counselor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She talked to us about patients that she has handled, and told us about this one couple she encountered, in which the female had a type of cancer. At every session, the woman would complain about her hair loss and how she doesn't feel feminine anymore. And each time, her husband would counter her statement with things like "I think you're beautiful anyways". Leitner's colleague was the one to notice this, and she told us that he pulled the husband aside at the end of one session and instructed him that next time the topic comes up, rather than trying to comfort her, he should simply say, "It sounds like you are really distressed about losing your hair." So at the next session, she started complaining it again, and he said the statement that the counselor told him to. And immediately, the woman responded with, "Yeah, I am, but you know what, it is just a badge telling people that I'm a cancer survivor, so it's not that bad."
One of the teachers who was sitting in on the speaker raised her hand and commented. "Yeah, my father has cancer, and you know, it's really hard on him," she says. "He doesn't like to complain about it, but I can tell how much he is suffering. But you know, sometimes I just turn to him and go 'Man, it must suck being sick.' And you know what he says? 'Yeah. But, eh, what can you do about it.'"
It's interesting, isn't it? Trying to comfort these sick individuals with the optimistic "Everything will be alright" sometimes isn't the best way to approach their situation; but rather, realistically talk about what's going on with them. And this is understandable, because sometimes, when you are in an unfortunate situation, the last thing you want to do is try to be happy about what seems to be hopeless predicament.
Personally, trying to make the best light of every situation doesn't help me in the least. Instead, I look at things realistically. Am I insecure about my body? Yes. Will I end up majoring in a science field? No. Did I do well on that exam? Probably not. Does this dress make me look fat? No, but let's just say it would definitely be more flattering on a Size 4 Caucasian girl.
But before you take away only that message, continue reading, because I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND.
Despite all of this that I've just said, there is one thing that I feel like my concept does not do well applying to: life.
And I don't mean life on a small scale, like school or work. I'm talking about the BIG PICTURE: life as a whole.
One cannot merely live life on the concept of "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not." Because such a life would indeed amount to a meaningless one.
"Life goes on." This statement has been said by many. And as passive as it may sound, it is actually rather optimistic. Think about it briefly; the pessimist would say 'My life is over', and the realist may say 'There is a possibility that this event will end your life. Or it won't.' This statement looks at the bright side of things, and optimistically looks at the reality of things: your life will continue, despite whatever event you're facing. And that, my friends, is how everyone should look at life.
It may seem like I just contradicted myself, but if anything, just take away this: on a day-to-day basis, try to look at things as realistically as possible. But when it comes to the big picture of life, be as optimistic as you can.
That's just my two cents. (:
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