Being social is exhausting.

Many people think I am an extrovert.

And I understand this assumption. I genuinely enjoy public speaking, so I handle myself very well with people. I can easily spark conversation with strangers in any kind of setting, and even am confident about carrying on intimate conversations with people born generations before me.

Based on what I described, it probably does sound that I am an extrovert.

But I promise, I am not.

For me, socializing is exhausting. I don't hate it per se, but I hate the energy that it requires. And because of that, I often time rationalize myself into avoiding it.

In addition, I have this odd love-hate relationship with people. This is to say that I really love people. I love watching people; seeking to understand how people form their motives and morals, and make their decisions; learning about peoples vulnerabilities and small quirks and all the small things that go unloved or unappreciated.

But at the same time, I hate people, genuinely avoid human interaction as much as possible.

It's odd and confusing, I know. To bring it back together, though, I typically regard myself as an 'outgoing introvert'.

My reasoning for mentioning all of this is mainly just to shortly talk about the social exhaustion I mentioned above that I'm currently enduring. Being in a new place, it is natural that I need to do a lot in order to establish myself comfortably--including in terms of friends and a social life. That means lots of introductions, lots of the same questions over and over, and lots of superficial basic conversations to get the ball rolling. Just my cup of tea.

I especially struggle a bit with this because I really love my own company. Those who know me well know that it's not uncommon to find me sitting in my room, alone, in the dark (because why waste electricity?). Literally as happy as I can be in the company of myself. Back at home, when presented with the choice to go out and forcefully chat with uninteresting strangers, versus sitting in my own company, 4/5 times I opt for the later. Add on inconvenience of transversing from Point A to B and the frigid weather that usually graces Ithaca, NY most of the year, and you can come to the correct conclusion that I don't spend to much energy socializing. So to be suddenly ramping up the amount of human contact I have here has really been having its effects on me.

Another layer of this social exhaustion emerges when I factor in keeping up with people from back home. I don't have too many people I keep in contact with, but those I do are spread across an entire spectrum in terms of physical and personal closeness. I have family members in the US, UK and Nigeria, very dear friends in France, Canada, China, Mexico, Ecuador and the UK, on top of colleagues back in Ithaca. And since the people I need to keep up with range from friends and family members, to mentors and other academic affiliates, it seems like I am always in need to contact one person or the other. Which, again, never fails to leave me socially exhausted.

This definitely was something about traveling that had never crossed my mind--have you ever had a similar issue?