"Did you enjoy the steak you had?"
Once again, there was silence. This had been the third time I had tried addressing him and he refused to respond. He was obviously upset; his face was set in a stern expression, and he was clutching the steering wheel extremely tight. He hadn't even been like this until the moment we left the restaurant; during our double-date, everything had been fine. I was becoming irritated with his silence.
He made a left turn into an empty parking lot.
"Hey, where the hell are you going?" I exclaimed with frustration. "If you are just going to ignore me, the least you could do is just take me home."
David parked the car and turned off the engine. He sat there for a moment, before turning to me and asking, "Why wouldn't you let me hold your hand?"
I was taken by surprise. "Wh--what?"
"The entire time during dinner, I kept trying to hold your hand under the table. But you wouldn't let me. At one point you even put your hand on top of the table, and when I tried to hold it there, you got out of it by reaching over and touching Savannah's hair!"
I was literally at a loss of words. "I...I'm sorry...?"
David sighed. "I just want to know why. It's not even that big of a deal, but it was just irritating that you would keep avoiding my hand..."
Honestly, I hadn't even noticed I had been doing it. But now that he pointed it out, I could easily remember me shaking off his grasp numerous times. A pang of guilt hit me in my stomach. "I don't know, I didn't really notice I was doing it...But I've told you before that I don't like public display of attention," I ended with, trying to defend myself.
He chuckled. "Holding hands is considered public display of affection?"
"Well, yeah, I mean, it is a way of showing affection, and if you're doing it in public--"
"If I can't hold hands in public with my girlfriend of five months, then there's a problem," David said sternly, cutting my off.
I looked at him closely. He was leaning against his door, with his head propped up against his hand. He's actually upset about this...?
I took his right hand into my grasp, brought it up to my lips and kissed the top of it.
"I'm sorry," I said solemnly. "I didn't think it was such a big deal to you..." My voice trailed off.
There was silence for a moment before he responded. "I mean, it's not. I just want to be able to hold your hand in public, that's all. Fuck, I don't know why I'm making such a big deal about this."
I kissed his had again and rubbed it against my cheek. "No, it's okay. You're right, really. I'm sorry." I paused for a moment, before adding, "Sometimes I forget how sensitive you really are."
The next moment, his hand was absent from where it had previously been against my face. Puzzled, I looked up. He was now facing me, with the serious expression still on his face. "I am NOT sensitive," he said firmly.
At this, I couldn't help but to laugh. I could see him struggling not to smile, which made me laugh even more.
"It's not funny! I'm not sensitive!"
"Okay, okay! Whatever you say," I said, still smiling menacingly.
At that, he furrowed his brows and slightly pouted as he turned the engine on. While he pulled out of the parking lot, I inwardly continued to chuckle, and started remembering that this was one of the very reasons I had fallen for this boy. But I reminded myself that if I had any intentions of keeping him, I have to be warm and attentive to every last one of his needs.
Because the simple fact is: guys are sensitive, too.
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Friday, March 14, 2014
"Everything will be just fine" ....Right?
Whenever someone is sad about something, there is one statement that is often used as a comfort mechanism: "Everything will be fine." But is that really true?
Many people spend their lives thinking optimistically, and do use that mantra to keep pressing through the roughest of times. But I usually label myself as a realist, and my answer to that question is more along the lines of something like, "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not."
I sometimes run into this problem myself. All of the people I surround myself with have found themselves to make close acquaintances with someone, and engage into relationships. It is a common situation in which I act as the fifth or seventh wheel when spending time with my friends.
And sometimes my female friends ask me: "Don't you want a boyfriend?" And as much as I portray myself as a "strong independent woman", the blunt answer is yes, I would like to have a relationship.
On more than one occasion that one question has turned into a full-blown conversation about getting married and finding life partners. And each time, I would express to them my concern: I question whether I will ever find "the one". And I usually support this concern with a simple concept: I am a very complex person. So is there really a high probability that I will find someone who not only is more or less equally as complex as I, but also who accepts my complexity?
And every time, their responses always are the same. "What? Of course you'll find someone!" "Just give it time; the right one will come around eventually."
And literally; when they say that, my head explodes.
Because there is not guarantee that I'll find someone. As depressing as it may sound, there are people in this world who do never get married and age and die without a partner. Who's to say that I won't fall into that category?
Another situation like such occured during a conversation between me and one of my basketball coaches. He was inquiring whether I was going to "play soccer" for that particular school year. And I corrected him, saying that I was going to "try-out"; the final decision of whether I would be allowed to represent and play for the team would be entirely up to the coaches. When he asked me why I worded it like that, I simply responded "well, because I probably won't make the team".
And this made him furious. He said that having such a mindset was what was going to make me get cut from the team. And (of course, being the realist that I am) I again corrected his statement by saying the reason I would get cut would be because of the deficit of skill level I have compared to the other girls trying out. It went back and forth again: he said that if I trained hard enough, that deficit would not exist, and I countered by saying that 4 months of training would be impossible to make up for the experience they've gained from the 5-11 years of playing traveling soccer that most of them have. He ended the conversation by deeming me a "lost hope", because I was so "pessimistic".
Thinking back to that situation actually makes me laugh, because every single statement I made was an objectively accurate one. I was not putting myself down in any way; I was just simply stating simply facts that shouldn't be ignored when addressing the issue of whether I would "play soccer". Is there anything wrong with that?
This same concept could be applied to many other situations. For instance, a woman named Mrs. Ofri Leitner came and spoke to one of my classes a few weeks ago. She is genetic counselor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She talked to us about patients that she has handled, and told us about this one couple she encountered, in which the female had a type of cancer. At every session, the woman would complain about her hair loss and how she doesn't feel feminine anymore. And each time, her husband would counter her statement with things like "I think you're beautiful anyways". Leitner's colleague was the one to notice this, and she told us that he pulled the husband aside at the end of one session and instructed him that next time the topic comes up, rather than trying to comfort her, he should simply say, "It sounds like you are really distressed about losing your hair." So at the next session, she started complaining it again, and he said the statement that the counselor told him to. And immediately, the woman responded with, "Yeah, I am, but you know what, it is just a badge telling people that I'm a cancer survivor, so it's not that bad."
One of the teachers who was sitting in on the speaker raised her hand and commented. "Yeah, my father has cancer, and you know, it's really hard on him," she says. "He doesn't like to complain about it, but I can tell how much he is suffering. But you know, sometimes I just turn to him and go 'Man, it must suck being sick.' And you know what he says? 'Yeah. But, eh, what can you do about it.'"
It's interesting, isn't it? Trying to comfort these sick individuals with the optimistic "Everything will be alright" sometimes isn't the best way to approach their situation; but rather, realistically talk about what's going on with them. And this is understandable, because sometimes, when you are in an unfortunate situation, the last thing you want to do is try to be happy about what seems to be hopeless predicament.
Personally, trying to make the best light of every situation doesn't help me in the least. Instead, I look at things realistically. Am I insecure about my body? Yes. Will I end up majoring in a science field? No. Did I do well on that exam? Probably not. Does this dress make me look fat? No, but let's just say it would definitely be more flattering on a Size 4 Caucasian girl.
But before you take away only that message, continue reading, because I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND.
Despite all of this that I've just said, there is one thing that I feel like my concept does not do well applying to: life.
And I don't mean life on a small scale, like school or work. I'm talking about the BIG PICTURE: life as a whole.
One cannot merely live life on the concept of "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not." Because such a life would indeed amount to a meaningless one.
"Life goes on." This statement has been said by many. And as passive as it may sound, it is actually rather optimistic. Think about it briefly; the pessimist would say 'My life is over', and the realist may say 'There is a possibility that this event will end your life. Or it won't.' This statement looks at the bright side of things, and optimistically looks at the reality of things: your life will continue, despite whatever event you're facing. And that, my friends, is how everyone should look at life.
It may seem like I just contradicted myself, but if anything, just take away this: on a day-to-day basis, try to look at things as realistically as possible. But when it comes to the big picture of life, be as optimistic as you can.
That's just my two cents. (:
Many people spend their lives thinking optimistically, and do use that mantra to keep pressing through the roughest of times. But I usually label myself as a realist, and my answer to that question is more along the lines of something like, "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not."
I sometimes run into this problem myself. All of the people I surround myself with have found themselves to make close acquaintances with someone, and engage into relationships. It is a common situation in which I act as the fifth or seventh wheel when spending time with my friends.
And sometimes my female friends ask me: "Don't you want a boyfriend?" And as much as I portray myself as a "strong independent woman", the blunt answer is yes, I would like to have a relationship.
On more than one occasion that one question has turned into a full-blown conversation about getting married and finding life partners. And each time, I would express to them my concern: I question whether I will ever find "the one". And I usually support this concern with a simple concept: I am a very complex person. So is there really a high probability that I will find someone who not only is more or less equally as complex as I, but also who accepts my complexity?
And every time, their responses always are the same. "What? Of course you'll find someone!" "Just give it time; the right one will come around eventually."
And literally; when they say that, my head explodes.
Because there is not guarantee that I'll find someone. As depressing as it may sound, there are people in this world who do never get married and age and die without a partner. Who's to say that I won't fall into that category?
Another situation like such occured during a conversation between me and one of my basketball coaches. He was inquiring whether I was going to "play soccer" for that particular school year. And I corrected him, saying that I was going to "try-out"; the final decision of whether I would be allowed to represent and play for the team would be entirely up to the coaches. When he asked me why I worded it like that, I simply responded "well, because I probably won't make the team".
And this made him furious. He said that having such a mindset was what was going to make me get cut from the team. And (of course, being the realist that I am) I again corrected his statement by saying the reason I would get cut would be because of the deficit of skill level I have compared to the other girls trying out. It went back and forth again: he said that if I trained hard enough, that deficit would not exist, and I countered by saying that 4 months of training would be impossible to make up for the experience they've gained from the 5-11 years of playing traveling soccer that most of them have. He ended the conversation by deeming me a "lost hope", because I was so "pessimistic".
Thinking back to that situation actually makes me laugh, because every single statement I made was an objectively accurate one. I was not putting myself down in any way; I was just simply stating simply facts that shouldn't be ignored when addressing the issue of whether I would "play soccer". Is there anything wrong with that?
This same concept could be applied to many other situations. For instance, a woman named Mrs. Ofri Leitner came and spoke to one of my classes a few weeks ago. She is genetic counselor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She talked to us about patients that she has handled, and told us about this one couple she encountered, in which the female had a type of cancer. At every session, the woman would complain about her hair loss and how she doesn't feel feminine anymore. And each time, her husband would counter her statement with things like "I think you're beautiful anyways". Leitner's colleague was the one to notice this, and she told us that he pulled the husband aside at the end of one session and instructed him that next time the topic comes up, rather than trying to comfort her, he should simply say, "It sounds like you are really distressed about losing your hair." So at the next session, she started complaining it again, and he said the statement that the counselor told him to. And immediately, the woman responded with, "Yeah, I am, but you know what, it is just a badge telling people that I'm a cancer survivor, so it's not that bad."
One of the teachers who was sitting in on the speaker raised her hand and commented. "Yeah, my father has cancer, and you know, it's really hard on him," she says. "He doesn't like to complain about it, but I can tell how much he is suffering. But you know, sometimes I just turn to him and go 'Man, it must suck being sick.' And you know what he says? 'Yeah. But, eh, what can you do about it.'"
It's interesting, isn't it? Trying to comfort these sick individuals with the optimistic "Everything will be alright" sometimes isn't the best way to approach their situation; but rather, realistically talk about what's going on with them. And this is understandable, because sometimes, when you are in an unfortunate situation, the last thing you want to do is try to be happy about what seems to be hopeless predicament.
Personally, trying to make the best light of every situation doesn't help me in the least. Instead, I look at things realistically. Am I insecure about my body? Yes. Will I end up majoring in a science field? No. Did I do well on that exam? Probably not. Does this dress make me look fat? No, but let's just say it would definitely be more flattering on a Size 4 Caucasian girl.
But before you take away only that message, continue reading, because I am about to BLOW YOUR MIND.
Despite all of this that I've just said, there is one thing that I feel like my concept does not do well applying to: life.
And I don't mean life on a small scale, like school or work. I'm talking about the BIG PICTURE: life as a whole.
One cannot merely live life on the concept of "Eh. Maybe. Maybe not." Because such a life would indeed amount to a meaningless one.
"Life goes on." This statement has been said by many. And as passive as it may sound, it is actually rather optimistic. Think about it briefly; the pessimist would say 'My life is over', and the realist may say 'There is a possibility that this event will end your life. Or it won't.' This statement looks at the bright side of things, and optimistically looks at the reality of things: your life will continue, despite whatever event you're facing. And that, my friends, is how everyone should look at life.
It may seem like I just contradicted myself, but if anything, just take away this: on a day-to-day basis, try to look at things as realistically as possible. But when it comes to the big picture of life, be as optimistic as you can.
That's just my two cents. (:
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