Pardon the explicit title, but there didn't seem to be any other way I could find to word this phenomena. Parents of teenagers are taking a parenting turn down the wrong road, and it seems to, ironically, be becoming the road more taken.
Objectively speaking, just as teenagers are nearing the ripe age of 18, many parents are taking it upon themselves to suddenly "buckle down", one may say. They are enforcing stricter rules, being more unreasonable, and becoming down-right meaner.
Is there a reason for this? Well, many parents justify their changes by saying that their children are becoming more unruly, and that they are just adjusting to them. Others claim that they have allowed too much freedom in the past, and are doing it as a last-minute attempt to correct their "mistakes".
And the teenagers? Well, of course, their thoughts are predictable, without even asking them. "This is so unfair." "My parents are too strict." "They never let me do anything!" You get the idea.
Now..for my view on it.
I'm sure many of you could already guess how I feel about this subject, based on the title. I believe that this parenting move is indeed a poor one. But, to your relief, I don't back up my belief with any of the above phrases often heard by teenagers. I, actually, disagree with this strategy solely because I am looking out for the interests of the parents.
Let me elaborate.
In this country, 18 is one of the most important numbers in life. It marks the becoming of a adult for teenagers, and opens up a wide avenue of things that they can do or buy, legally. This age is also the age that many students are about to enter college, and, of course, only one thing is on their minds: PARTY. Based on all of these things, rebellion is a little expected from individuals, although many don't even do that. Regardless of whichever way it goes, many parents decide that this would be the perfect time to "buckle down"--to cross the bridge before getting there, right?
Unfortunately, by attempting to cross a bridge before you get to it, they overstep themselves, and end up in the water.
When parents become unreasonably stricter, even when their children are doing nothing to invoke this behavior, their kids become annoyed. Some even angered. And then one and one thought only acts as their silver lining: 'In __ months, I'll be 18. I'll be an adult. There's nothing they can do to hold me down after that.'
And thus begins the deterioration of the parent-child relationship. The children will become more rebellious in response to their parents new demeanor, and in response to that the parents feel justified for their changes and become even stricter. It's quite a ruthless cycle, really. I've seen dozens of cases where such a pattern results in the children cutting off all communication with their parents after going off to college, especially if they are out-of-state. Some even go to the extent of filing as an independent, so they are legally no longer dependent on their parents. And such situations leave parents heart-broken, wondering where they went wrong, and even maybe regretting not being stricter.
Don't mistaken what I'm saying: There's absolutely nothing wrong with strict parenting. My mother was extremely strict throughout my life, yet we still have a phenomenal relationship despite our distance. What I am saying though is that unreasonable parenting is not the way to go, especially if you're going to start doing it x months before they turn 18.
I do also notice one major trend in parents who suddenly become unreasonable: many do it in a desperate attempt to keep the relationship between them and their kids intact. Many become fearful about how fast they've grown up, and try to keep their children their "baby" for as long as they can, by doing such things as confining them to the house. This trend has been especially present when children enter relationships; parents become panicked that they will no longer be the only man/woman that can make their child happy, and try to keep them away from their significant other. This panicked thinking usually does have the opposite effect, causing teenagers to highly dislike their parents.
Taking everything I've said into consideration, you may want to reconsider taking away you son's/daughter's car key, and try to take a more subtle approach to what you want to do. If your child is indeed acting out, have a talk with them, and if the behavior persists, then you can turn to drastic measures. If they have not displayed any negative changes in their attitude, then there really shouldn't be a need to "buckle down". And if you really want to cling onto your child for the remainder of their high school career, do so in a way that you aren't stripping them of their freedoms, but rather so that they can become more comfortable with you, to the extent that they will be the ones clinging to you. Good activities that apply to the previous sentence include having lunch or dinner together, doing things that they enjoy with them, or even just sitting down with them for an hour or so and having a nice chat.
So parents, don't fear 18yr-olds. It simply means that your child is growing up, just like every other human being in the world. Don't view it as an obstacle that needs to be overcame, but rather embrace it with your teenager. This way, the transition will go much smoother for both parties, and it'll (potentially) be like any normal year, maybe even better.
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